The Health Blog

As we’ve noted, some sex therapy programs are designed to work only with couples. But research has shown that men without partners can also make significant improvements with sex therapy.

First, let’s look at what we mean by men without partners. This is not a homogeneous group. A man who is recently divorced may be without a partner, but he has a history of social contact and intimacy with at least one woman. On the other hand, a man whose partner refuses to participate in therapy is alone in his quest for improvement, but is in a very different situation from the divorced man. Some therapists have noted that men in long-standing relationships whose lovers will not participate in treatment are least likely to improve. Problems in the relationship itself may be preventing the couple from dealing with sexual difficulties successfully.

And single men with erection problems who are socially inhibited can improve their communication skills and their potency in group therapy. For example, California therapists gave group members homework assignments emphasizing sensual pleasure (at first without intercourse), social skills and fantasy exercises. Learning about normal changes in erections was an important component of the therapy. Because female therapists participated, the men were able to role-play situations with women and then use their newly-developed communication skills in their private lives. At the conclusion of the therapy, 90 percent of the men said their erections were improved. Because these men had learned how to communicate more freely, the authors say, their erection problems decreased.

When it comes down to basics, communication is the primary key to satisfying sex. And if a therapist can help improve your style of communication, he can probably improve your sex life too.

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Synchronizing your sexual longings with those of another person will reward you over and over again. If you or your partner has a sex drive which has slackened off, you owe it to yourselves to find ways to build it up again. This has to be a joint venture; if one person is in the mood for sex and the other couldn’t care less, then there obviously is going to be a no-win situation. Finding that mutual connection takes time and thoughtfulness. What might work for you—a porn movie, for instance—could be a big turn-off for her. On the other hand, slow dancing might be your partner’s preferred way of building to a sex-filled night, but the idea leaves you cold.

One of the best, and mutually satisfying, ways to reignite libido is to rediscover the pleasures of touching. Dr. Robert Broad suggests that partners need to steer away from focusing on the act of sex itself. “There are other ways to use tactile communication with your partner,” he states. “Zero in on touching, one of the most powerful components of human sexuality. Using tactile communication, including kissing, caressing, and petting, just as you did in early courtship, will help you to reexplore sexual sensation and bond you together. They can amp up your sex life because of the tremendous numbers of sensory receptors that are in the skin.”

Sexual researchers, therapists, and counselors have found communicating with your partner through increased touching to be one of the most effective means to expand intimacy and add vitality to a sexual relationship. Many couples find that giving each other a massage is a great way to enhance their mutual attraction as well as boost libido.

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Unstable oxygen molecules made daily as a normal by-product of the body’s need for energy, free radicals are highly reactive biochemical entities that cause molecular damage to cells. If not stopped, they can disrupt the cell’s ability to protect itself. Free radicals are also thought to interact with some fats in the diet, making them clog arteries. Additionally, free radical damage is now being linked to hypertension, stroke, Alzheimer’s disease, leukemia, Parkinson’s disease, and congestive heart failure.

As we age, the cumulative effects of this endless process begin to take their toll. Study after study has shown that free radicals increase the risk of all cancers, including that of the prostate. Free radicals also oxidize LDL (low-density lipoprotein) cholesterol on artery walls, producing a build-up of deadly plaque. If no intervention is made, the endothelial lining of the arteries is damaged. It is this impaired endothelial function that is believed to precede hardening of the arteries, which is the leading cause of heart attack.

Unstopped, free radicals have the limitless potential to harm every part of the body, including the arteries of the penis. However, there is an arsenal readily available that can stop free radical damage. Antioxidants can halt the injury that free radical molecules have wrought, and then repair cellular damage.

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Today sexual medicine is a fact of life. Each of us must look both inward and outward and assess what its impact may have on our lives as one of nature’s most formidable barriers falls away. As science produces more medications that were formerly not thought possible, their application will have far-reaching implications on our society. But what is so incredible at this juncture is that the ED pills conjoin sexual performance and emotions. For the first time in history, medicine has tapped into the sexual-emotional link as it pertains to sex. Ironically, it may also be the last time.

In the upcoming years, the next generation of sexual pills will be available. They, like their groundbreaking predecessors, will allow a man to perform when he wants to, but with a very significant and potentially unsettling difference. Those pills will circumvent his “emotional system.” Unlike the present oral medications which require a physical attraction to a partner, those newer drugs may not. Some may affect chemicals in the brain, as opposed to the present pills which work in the penis. Other experimentation is ongoing. Studies currently being conducted may provide gene therapy to control ED via injections administered two or three times a year.

All of these interventions bring us to a new place in our culture. Today, we are on the cusp of a sexual revolution whose implications we can only begin to imagine. Those effects, both long- and short-range, are going to have a mighty impact on both sexes. Men have their own problems and perspectives about ED and its treatment. For women, however, there are different considerations and worries.

We know that the lives of millions of women have been altered by ED. So, it is very important to acknowledge that its presence and treatment can touch a woman in profound, and even disturbing, ways. For many women, this is the second time they have to deal with a pill that affects their own sexuality. Only this time, a man is taking it.

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One of the most exciting aspects of my work in sexual medicine is seeing the far-reaching potential of the new drugs. Restoring virility to those who have suffered, along with their partners, for so long is nothing less than exhilarating. I have seen lives reclaimed, revitalized, and virtually transformed. Relationships strained to their limits have not only been repaired; they’ve been strengthened, too. I’ve been witness to the rejuvenating effects of sex in those who were denied its pleasures for far too long.

We’re in a whole new era of sexual medicine, where, thankfully, many men are coming forward and voicing their desire to be helped. What counts most is the person’s commitment to addressing his condition and following all of the steps necessary to achieve success. Naturally, each man responds uniquely to the medications, but I have noted some consistent patterns in the men who take them. For instance:

• self-esteem is elevated

• relationships are solidified

• in some cases, unfulfilling commitments are severed once virility is restored

• stress and anxiety diminish

• a sense of wholeness, along with an integration of mind and body, takes place

• a newfound confidence spills over to other areas of life

• for those without partners, there is a renewed willingness to seek companionship

• for some, it offers the same freedom to seek and enjoy the pleasure they knew as teenagers

• for others, the liberating effects allow for a total exploration of the very nature of their sexuality—and some real surprises

Because so many men are coming forward and voicing their need for this restoration to what it used to be, let’s take a look at how this process actually occurs.

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