Why do we always have to be so negative? What exactly are you supposed to be saying ‘no’ to? A kiss? … A hug? … Stroking each other to orgasm? … Penetration? If people are not aware of their options, they think that any sexual activity at all is out of bounds and that one thing necessarily leads to another. It makes much more sense to know how to say ‘yes’. You may decide on a non-sexual friendship. You may decide to delay intercourse until later in the relationship, or to wait until some future relationship.
There are definite benefits in delaying penetrative intercourse. It can give you the time to develop the communication and emotional and physical intimacy so necessary for a fulfilling relationship.
Not rushing into intercourse enables you to build your sensual skills gradually, learn to use your hands and your lips, get to know the sensitive parts of your partner’s whole body, learn how to move your body in ways that stimulate your partner. These skills are known as foreplay, but it’s probably time we dispensed with that term too. When we use the term ‘foreplay’ it presumes that it is a prelude to something else. ‘Before’ what? Before intercourse. The usual descriptions of the reasons for ‘foreplay’ are to get the woman wet enough for easy penetration. If that was the case then they could call lubricating gel ‘foreplay in a tube’. ‘Foreplay’ has traditionally been seen as a means to an end, rather than a totally satisfying experience in its own right. This is all tied in with the notion of ‘we didn’t go all the way’, which in other words means that the encounter was somehow incomplete because it did not involve the penis ending up in the vagina.
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