Every November, as the days became shorter and daylight began to fade, Sarah, now in her early fifties, would feel an old familiar affliction come over her. An artist, she sees the world in colours. Autumn was a grey season. She would have difficulty waking up in the morning and would sense her energy ebbing away from her. Although normally a competent person, even simple tasks would now feel impossible and preparing for Christmas seemed like a mountainous chore to her. One of her few pleasures was eating – comfort foods such as cheese on toast, scones or buttered toast. She would gain have a stone every winter and lose it again the following summer.
Her depression would deepen in December, made worse by memories of a child she had lost in that month many years before and the departure of her children, who would spend time with her ex-husband during part of the holiday season. The approach of the holidays compounded her misery, making her anxious that she would not be able to celebrate Christmas properly with her two children. At times she was unable to get her Christmas cards out and make all the necessary preparations for the holidays, which would leave her feeling guilty and inadequate as a mother and despairing that things would ever turn out as she wanted them to. She would become reclusive and not want to venture out at all. When she did go out, she would hide in a corner and if someone spoke to her, would nod her head but not really participate. At these times, the world would look completely black to her and at times suicide would beckon to her as a welcome relief from her pain.
Things would improve in January, which was lighter and brighter in part because of the sunlight reflected off the snow, and she found it easier to get through. February, on the other hand, was dark once again and she would only begin to emerge from her depression in a solid and predictable way when March arrived. For the rest of the year she was fine.
Sarah first saw a psychiatrist for treatment of her depression when she was in her twenties. A major factor contributing to her difficulties was the death of her father at age 13 and unresolved feelings around that. Later troubles included the death of a child when she was 31 years old and a ‘horrendous’ divorce. Despite helpful psychotherapy, her cyclical depressions persisted and she was given anti-depressant medications to deal with them. Unfortunately she was unable to handle any of the synthetic antidepressants that were tried. Prozac and other medications caused her heart to beat rapidly and did not feel right for her body. She had always been very sensitive to medications of all kinds; even extra-strength paracetamol would make her feel ‘high’, spacey and giddy.
One type of treatment that helped her a great deal, without any side-effects, was light therapy. She obtained a special light box and would begin to use it from the end of October. She would sit in front of the light, for half an hour in the morning while eating breakfast and half an hour in the evening at dinner-time. The first year she used the light box she managed to get her Christmas cards out on time and was actually able to plan a New Year’s party. But even though the light box prevented her from hitting the bottom of her depression, she still felt low and the world still looked dark and grey to her.
About 18 months ago Sarah, who describes herself as ‘a child of the 1960s’, heard about St John’s Wort, which appealed to her because of its herbal nature. She began using it during one of her depressions. Almost immediately she noted a levelling out of her moods and enjoyed not being seesawed by her customary highs and lows. For the sake of convenience, she changed her dosing schedule so that rather than taking the St John’s Wort in two lots she took a day’s dosage just once in the morning, and found that to work equally well for her. Now she was able to deal with her problems and feel in a stable and upbeat mood, free of depression all year round. She sings the praises of St John’s Wort to ‘all kinds of people’.
St John’s Wort clearly helped Sarah’s winter depressions enormously and she was now able to get her cards out early and look forward to the Christmas season. Christmas time, which had formerly been so very difficult for her, now no longer seemed like a black season. She still sits in front of her light box during the winter even though she doesn’t feel it is really essential.
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