At first you may want to tell no-one. The fact that you have cancer, even if the outlook for the future is good, may feel like very private information and not something you want to share. Who you decide to tell personally must, of course, be your decision, but you are likely to include:
close family members;
close friends;
your employer, if appropriate.
Basically, those people who you are closest to and who will be most affected by your cancer. The process of contacting people may take some time: devoting whole days to speaking with your family and friends is unlikely to feel like an easy option. Explaining the details of your diagnosis is a draining and emotional experience, and while many people will want to spend a lot of time with you or talking on the phone, you may want to keep your conversations quite short. You may also start to feel that you have related your story so many times that you can’t bear to have the same conversation yet again. Don’t rush the process, and consider who you want to see personally, who you can contact by phone, and who you can write to: this will help to spread the workload.
News travels fast, and you may find that your wider circle of friends, acquaintances, colleagues and so on become aware of your cancer sooner than you expect. If you want to restrict the news only to those people you tell personally, then do not be afraid to ask them to treat it confidentially, and explain to them that you do not yet feel ready to tell the world at large.
Assuming you are well enough to be mobile and go out of the house, you cannot avoid meeting people – neighbours, acquaintances, contacts – who do not know about your cancer. When people ask how you are, it can be difficult to know what to say: Should you deflect the situation and not tell them, or do you say, ‘Not too good – I’ve got cancer’? Your reaction will probably vary depending on how you feel that day. Remember that the most important person in this situation is you, and you are not under any obligation to pass on the details of your cancer to all and sundry if you do not want to.
Inevitably, tricky situations will arise when you meet people who are not aware of your cancer and who comment, for example, on your physical appearance. It may be that you lose your hair temporarily while undergoing chemotherapy and an acquaintance comments on your ‘dramatic haircut’, or on the fact that you have lost weight or don’t look as well as when they last saw you. Comments like these are not intended to be malicious or hurtful, but they can cause distress. Most people are deeply embarrassed and upset when told the actual reason for your bald head or your weight loss – if you choose to tell them. There is no formula for dealing with these situations, but it does become easier as you become more accustomed to talking about your cancer.
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